Not the day

Today is not the day…I’m exhausted. Please let me be.

Normally, I want to fight. I want to shout, scream, rage and hurl things. Normally, I want to shake you and every person who makes me feel caged. Normally, I’m a wounded animal trying to pick herself up and get back to normalcy. But not today.

Today, I’m tired. I’m exhausted. Today I realized that normal is an illusion. There is no such thing. Today I broke free of my cage and saw the bars were obsolete…because there is no escape for me.

Today I realized I’m a part of the problem too. For years, I shouted at every comment, every look, every gesture that demeaned me for being a woman. I screamed that I am special, that I am more than just a woman. Today, I can’t even whisper. Because I am more than just a woman, just like you are more than just a man. We’re above all, human beings. Somehow, in the race for equality, my womanhood entitled me to be on a pedestal that blinded me to my humanity.

Not today.

I don’t want to be stared at, I don’t want to be put in the spotlight because of my gender. But I don’t want to be worshipped either…I don’t want to be special. Not any more so than you anyway.

On one hand I said, I’m your equal. On the other, I asked you to pay for me. I kept saying everything is my choice and that I’m your equal, yet I looked down upon another like me who chose a different path. So what if she chose to be a homemaker, or a single mother or forever unmarried? Why are any of them less than me?

I realize I hurt myself as much as everybody else did.

Yes, we’re different. Yes, I’m a woman. There are things about me you’ll never be able to fully understand. Just like there are some things about you I can’t quite fathom. Can we stop making a big deal out of it? There is more to you and me than our genders, than our sexualities.

If you must make a big deal out of something, make a big deal of someone’s inhumanity. Make a big deal when someone forgets to be humane. Make a big deal of unkindness, of bullying, of rudeness, of inconsiderateness. Make a big deal when someone contributes to destroying the planet, or harms another species. Make a big deal when someone is humane. Let newspapers shout out headlines about kind gestures. Make a big deal of love. Promote it without using it to breed stereotypes. Make a big deal of “glass half fulls”.

Don’t make a big deal of me. There’s more to life than that.

There’s more to life than me.

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