bucket list

There are times in your life when one after the other, everything seems to go wrong. It’s like a domino effect that before you know, spirals you into a void of hopelessness and negativity.

Slowly, life turns into a continuous sob-fest, giving you a new reason to grieve everyday. You wake up thinking that it has to get better today. But, it only turns worse.

Well, guess what. It’s not going to get any better. And the reason is quite simple. The driver of the limousine called life is you. Everything else, everyone else is just a passenger. Some last longer than others but they all have the same purpose; to direct your limo to their desired direction. It takes a long time to realise that the steering wheel is actually in your hands. And, to cherish the ones who bother to ask you your destination.

I realised that today.

For some reason, when I woke up today and the usual wave of hopelessness and despair washed over me, I didn’t succumb. I didn’t give up and let myself be drowned. I decided to fight back. I may not be much of a swimmer, but I fought. I told myself over and over again, ‘I’m done. I’m done pulling myself down. I’m done letting myself believe that life has nothing positive in store for me. I’m done pitying myself. And I sure as hell am done being depressed. I need to choose. I can choose to be the cynical, hopeless, life-hating creature I seem to be becoming. Or, I can choose to be a welcoming, happy, secure person.’

So, I chose. I chose life. I chose happiness. I chose me.

Sure, it’s not going to be easy. I cannot change myself overnight. But, I sure as hell am going to try. I’m going to be positive. Because, I’m happy to be alive. I’m happy to be an optimist despite all the darkness of the past.

And, I’m happy to have a goal. A reason to live. Several, in fact.

And my first step to embracing life is creating my bucket list. The things I want to do before I die. The things that will motivate me to pick myself up and walk to the next dawn, however dark the night may seem now.

So, I did precisely that. I made a bucket list. And wow, did it feel good! Just the simple process of putting down my hopes and dreams onto paper, was a rather uplifting task by itself. And, now that I have completed the first step, I look forward to crossing off the many things on my bucket list, one by one. And adding more things over time.

I woke up wanting a little less sadness in my life, today and I ended up making my bucket list.

Life is quite funny sometimes.