“superheroes at work”

This was a dialogue that I’d co-written with a friend of mine, in Xth Grade, for the School Magazine. Though it never got published (for rather obvious reasons!), it was still a fun exercise that I shall always cherish…

SUPERHEROES AT WORK

By 2 anonymous, sarcastic, thirsty writers

SETTING: Chiranjiv Bharti School, Palam Vihar

OCCASION: Rajiv Gandhi Debate,  topic— “Do aliens exist?”

CHARACTERS: Maya and Aaliyah

MISSION: To drink water

STATUTORY WARNING:

1. If sensitive to sarcasm, please don’t read further.

2. All puns are intended.

“……so as I have been saying, and as Aristotle said, as Deepak Chopra said and as blahblah said it, I rest my case on the belief that aliens DO exist”

 [Maya and Aaliyah, sitting on tapti  hui bhoomi…]

Maya : sure, at least you admit that you are one.

Aaliyah : what a boring debate! What a boring topic! I mean who gives a damn to whether aliens exist or not?

Maya : and who gives a damn about us, as long as we don’t die of sweltering heat, sleep-deprivation, water scarcity, boredom & sitting-in- one-pose for about a decade now

Aaliyah : wow! They’ll have so much work having to remove so many bodies from this icky carpet, if we did.

Maya : if I don’t get H2 O right now, I am seriously going to die of dehydration. Let’s ask that dunderhead `perfect-prefect’ Dunham to let us go drink some. You ask.

[Approaching Dunham]

Aaliyah : shove off, purheefect. We’re going inside the building for a beer, nerd. Now will you spare your weight a little left of the gate, so we can sail through?

Dunham : duh…what?!

Maya : Listen Homer Simpson, she said we need 5 minutes off our lives to save ourselves from perishing.

Dunham : not tracking still, what?!

Aaliyah : dunderhead…we need to go & have some water, you know “the basic component of life” without which no one can expect to live. So…

Dunham : you can’t go missy

Aaliyah : Maya, plan B

Maya : Pleeeeeeaaassssssssssseeee, bhaiya, humein pani peene jaane do, hum 5 minute mein aa jayenge

Dunham : Go sit

[Turning back]

Aaliyah : well, since there is no Plan C…

Maya : we can’t even hit dumbum, he’s a moose

Aaliyah : let’s sit under that tree

[Under the tree]

Maya : hey, what’s this reddish stone?

Aaliyah : dunno……let’s pick it up

[BOOM!!!!!!!!!]

Aaliyah : Oh my god, we’re suddenly branded!!! I’m wearing that Chanel dress I was gawping at last week.

Maya : Wow!!! Just look at my Manish Malhotra outfit…it’s soooooo out of the world!!

Aaliyah : hey, we’re superheroes!!!!! Now let’s save the world from the evil forces of this hard, cruel world, from the ones who alienated themselves from the wonderful philosophy of sarcasm & irony

Maya : (to the audience) she means, to save our fellow students from the grips of these dunce debaters…

Aaliyah :  we the aliens, clad in Chanel & Manish Malhotra, vow to save our fellow Chiranjeevians from being engulfed in the darkness of death.

Maya : that’s lame!!

Aaliyah : I know…(giving a big smile)I have an idea……have you ever gone abroad without a visa?

Maya : no

Aaliyah : come with me then…to rehab!!

Maya : wh-what…why??

[Fly off ]

Maya : whoopee…smell of American soil….but why are we here?

Aaliyah : Britney Spears……..don’t look so lost. We’re going to make her perform for our school.

Maya : man, what an awesome way of providing rays of light in death-like darkness……ummm, wasn’t that too philosophical??

Aaliyah : it was. Ok, so we’re going to apparate her off rehab right now.

Maya : DUH!!!

Aaliyah : hey, did Dumbum’s spirit just get into you? Where’s Maya……Maya?……Maya?

Maya : shut up……let’s go find the rehab.

 [Rehab]

Aaliyah : let’s get invisible…yippee……

 [Britney’s room]

Maya : hiii…so, nice to meet you. Will you come with us to India to perform?

Britney : wh-what…nooo…get out of my room.

Aaliyah : I told you we shouldn’t have asked her

Maya : right…so, Plan Alienate?…great…let’s kidnap her

Britney : what…how dare………AAAHHHHHH……(muffled)stop…hey, are we in the air??

 [C.B.S, P.V.]

Aaliyah : here we are; School-not so sweet-School. Now let’s clear off this debate & spare our friends 3 hours of super torture

Britney : yippee……I wanna sing all those drugs away

Maya : Progress

Aaliyah : and now…

(Look at each other, fly, hang Dunham on a tree & come down)

Maya : that’s it…isn’t that a way too linear punishment?

Aaliyah : we’re superheroes, remember?

Britney : how about “the great gig in the sky”?

Maya : what a great idea

Aaliyah : are you thinking what I’m thinking?

Maya : and what ARE you thinking, darlin’?

Aaliyah : “a wave of my magic wand,

The troubles will soon be gone.”

Britney : I love this song

Maya : that rhymes…you still haven’t answered my question

Aaliyah : darkness, lights, Britney, light rains & CBS will soon be rocking.

[Concert starts]

Maya : and what about us….what will we do?

Britney : (screaming in the sky)…’cause to loose all my senses, that is so typically me…oh baby, baby…oops I did it again……

Maya : I have a question,…should Dunham, hanging on the tree, be allowed to hear, see & enjoy the gig

Aaliyah : obviously, ‘coz watching something of this sort, when he’s probably used to just educational songs, won’t let him enjoy……it’ll just end up torturing him

Maya : right…now what?

Aaliyah : let’s achieve what we wanted to……

Maya : ……water??

Aaliyah : yes…

 [Flying & landing at water cooler]

Maya : ooooooooohhhhhhhh……this water is so “cool”

Aaliyah : see if it cools you off

(Soon, a water fight ensues….)

Aaliyah : ok, stop it now

Maya : hey, is that an earthquake??

[In the Medical Room]

Medical room teacher(M.R.T.) : (Shaking Maya & Aaliyah & sprinkling water on them)…wake up, wake up, you both have been unconscious for over 3 hours, now!

Maya : what happened to us?

M.R.T. : A branch of a tree fell on you

Aaliyah : What??

M.R.T. : yeah……now wait here, I’m coming in a minute

Maya : (after M.R.T. goes)…hey, Aaliyah, what’s that in your hand?

Aaliyah : huh……hey, that’s the stone which…

Maya : …turned us into superheroes, yeah…

Aaliyah : (after a pause)…and we still haven’t drunk water………

MORAL OF THE STORY: Being superheroes doesn’t always mean that you can accomplish your mission!!!!!

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